The last time I was in Vermont, I went to a flower shop to purchase some flowers for a proud father to give to his beautiful little girl at the opening night of her play at a local theater. It was a terribly exciting occasion. I picked out three pink roses and some baby’s breath. I was amazed that the total cost was only $7.94. What a bargain! As I rarely carry cash, and Vermont businesses rarely accepts credit cards, the owner graciously allowed me to write a check, even though I was from out of town.
As I had just opened a new checking account and hadn’t yet set up any overdraft protection and expenses got away from me, I overdrew my account. To my horror, one of the checks I wrote was returned, and it was to this little flower shop. As soon as I could, I sent a letter to the shop, including a $50 bill to cover the check and their bank charge. I apologized for their inconvenience and thought how terrible to have bounced a check in this economy - even a small one. I knew that some people were on the edge of going under, and I did not want to be the catalyst that made someone lose their hope that things would get better.
After I sent the letter, I forgot about it. I figured they would be pissed and deposit my cash under their grumbling breath. So, it was with great surprise that I received a letter from the flower shop today. Not only that, but it left a huge grin on my face for hours. (And not because he wrote “balanced” twice when he meant “bounced”.)
I think I’ll buy $25 worth of flowers when I’m in Vermont next month. What do you think?
I have received some interesting compliments over the years. Some compliments are amazing… I will never forget the time I was told that some folks, upon meeting me, had considered me “elegant.” Or the time I was told that I was “exquisite.” But some compliments are a bit more creative or interesting and leave the same lasting impression on you.
I was once told by a very attractive man in a bar that I had perfect posture. A hair stylist told me I had a perfectly shaped head. A date told me he liked my fingernails. I was told that I had a keen understanding of pathos, irony and tragedy.
Today, after I helped my sweetheart unload a truck full of recyclables at the town transfer station, the attendant asked him if I was his girlfriend. He indicated that I was, and she mused in approval that I really knew my way around a dump.
I don’t know whether to be flattered or mortified, but, for some reason unbeknown to me, one of my former longtime boyfriends blocked me on Facebook. Ironically, the only reason I know this is because my current sweetheart showed me a post by Said Ex, which I then, out of the morbid curiosity that everyone knows I possess, had to look up. I surfed to the photo posted by a mutual friend that Said Ex had posted on, and his post wasn’t there. Hm… Then I looked him up on the mutual friend’s friend list, and he wasn’t there either. I found that quite odd, and, without thinking, mentioned this to my sweetheart who got very annoyed. Obviously out of spite, my sweetheart sent me a PDF showing Said Ex’s post. The conclusion: Said Ex had blocked me!
I pondered to myself the implications of the fact that my Ex had actually gone to the trouble to block me without even interacting with me first. Didn’t he know that Facebook was one big happy family and that, furthermore, we’d all grown up enough to get along in that particular neighborhood? I hadn’t interacted with him in years, and he was married and a homeowner and presumably mature and tempered. Was I really worth the effort of blocking? And by blocking me, wasn’t he creating an artificial universe for himself wherein I did not exist? Wouldn’t Facebook be filled with holes where my interactions would’ve been - interspersed with people’s responses to me that no longer made sense?
Sure, we’d had some terse and even weird interactions over the years, so maybe he was expecting the worst, but still… blocking me? Was that really necessary? And I wondered, when you block someone does it really block your view of them or just their view of you? Was it a tool for cyberstalkers or just a way to render someone non-existent to you?
I don’t harbor any ill-will toward this particular ex-boyfriend. We were in a relationship at a time when neither of us had any responsibility in our lives, and it was terribly romantic and Bohemian. I have nothing but fond memories of the experience.
As I pondered all of this, I remembered something very important… I don’t care.
I want to see just how low I can make my electric bill. So, I started thinking about the things in my house that use the most electricity. Air conditioner - that’s pretty obvious. Refrigerator. Hair dryer. Really, those are the only big culprits. I use minimal lighting, and it is all compact fluorescent. My computer is a laptop, and I only run my TV for, at most, a few hours a day. My refrigerator is new, and a new A/C is on the way, so I decided to investigate the possibility of getting a more energy efficient hair dryer.
I did a search online and came up with a website called Ulta.com where they listed several hair dryers that not only touted themselves as “energy efficient” but that also produced ions (which apparently makes your hair dry faster and feel softer) and had ceramic heating elements which supposedly expose you to less electro-magnetic creepy crawlies. This all sounded good to me.
Of course, I used my Facebook network to find out if there was a place in Sarasota to buy such a fancy schmancy hair dryer. As luck would have it, there are two Ulta stores in Sarasota - one right down the road from me. How’s that for convenient?
What’s cool about the Ulta store is that they have working models of most of the hair dryers on display so you can actually turn them on and see how they work. I was delighted by this and took the opportunity to play with some of them. That’s when I saw a model that said “EcoStyle. Eco Friendly. Hair Friendly.” and “35% energy savings*”. This intrigued me. I turned it on, and it shot out at least as much hot air as my current dryer. The price: $19.98. It didn’t seem like I could go wrong.
The other cool things about the hair dryer was that is was Ionic (which is apparently somehow a registered tradename) and ceramic. The Ionic part means that it “reduces the size of water droplets with ions, infusing hair with moisture to help condition, soften, and make hair shinier while adding volume and reducing frizz.” The ceramic part claims that it uses “far-infrared heat that penetrates hair quickly and evenly from the inside-out, drying and styling hair in a fraction of the time.” Those are some pretty big claims.
So, I tested the dryer out this morning after my shower. It did seem to dry my hair pretty quickly, and I am happy with it. I’m sure the shiny, healthy hair is a cumulative effect, so I will see what I think about that claim in a few weeks.
How could one little button make me so happy? That one little button is on a little red remote on the passenger-side visor of my car. Pressing that one little button automatically opens the door to my one-car garage - a garage that barely fits my car. And it only fits my car after an entire afternoon spent moving stuff around between house and garage and removing a few things to the back patio.
I have not been able to park my car indoors for five years, and the sun has given the poor thing a beat-down. So, after 7 months in my new house (Holy crap! Has it been that long???), I can finally park my car indoors.
You cannot imagine the thrill it gives me to pull into my driveway, push the button and watch my garage door open magically for me, welcoming my little car into its protective embrace.
The folks who came to program the little button to do this amazing thing were from Garage Door Professionals, Inc. The service call also included a thorough checking-over of my garage door opening system, some light maintenance and the reprogramming of the keypad outside the door. They also showed me how to lock the system so no remotes or signals would open the door. Along with that, they told me that for $180, I could windproof the door up to 130 mph. Seems like a pretty reasonable price for that kind of peace of mind. I’ve heard that your garage door is one of the most vulnerable spots on your house during a hurricane.
I don’t know how long I will revel in this one little button, but, for now, it makes me feel like a queen.
We should always be wary. Even when we’re visiting a trusted website… if we see something that doesn’t look right (another website URL in the status bar), we should take note. (And if you don’t have that status bar activated at the bottom of your browser that tells you what website is loading or what address is behind a link, then you should turn it on immediately. It’s there to protect you.)
One of my clients got hacked. Hackers have been praying on insecure FTP passwords or information that they steal from you and inserting malicious code into websites that downloads a Trojan worm virus onto site visitors’ computers. Then it hooks your computer up to a Borg and tries to find sensitive data to transmit back to it.
While checking out my client’s hacked website, I exposed my own computer to this virus. I realized there was an issue when a) my AVG anti-virus software was suddenly unable to connect to AVG to download virus updates and b) I would click on a search result in Yahoo and be directed to a completely different site than what I expected. At that point, I emailed my computer God and guru, Ryan Hunter of Computer Repair. (Actually, that was after restarting my computer several times in Safe Mode to try to update AVG.) Ryan suggested I download Malware Bytes, which I did.
Malware Bytes saved the day! (And it was even the free version.) It found and eradicated the worm, and my computer was back to normal. I am, however, a bit anxious wondering what, if any, sensitive data was taken from my computer. Hopefully not the secret recipe to my Kick-Ass Pasta Salad.
I have rules…. relationship rules. I made the rules to help curb impulsiveness… both mine and the other party’s. One of my rules is: No M’s in the first 6 months.
The M’s being “moving in,” “marriage” and “motherhood.” You might not think this rule is really necessary, but I actually had to invoke it once and dodged a serious bullet as a consequence. (That guy ended up M’d to someone else very shortly afterward.)
During a relationship several years ago, I followed my rules and moved in with someone. I hadn’t lived with anyone for quite a few years and was anxious about the experience. I was completely upfront with my space needs, and voiced my concern over some repairs that needed doing to his house. As I didn’t hear any objections, I assumed things would be OK. Unfortunately, that was not the case. My new roommate did not go out of his way to make any space for my (albeit sparsely furnished) house full of belongings. I got rid of furniture, but space was not even cleared for my other “stuff.” I had to do this on my own just so I could put things away. I tried to jump start repairs to the house (and even offered to pay!), but I was met with resistance. As it turned out, my roommate apparently had some issues that were preventing him from truly accepting me into his home. I never really felt welcome there.
What struck me, though, was when I commented to him, after being there for several months, about how hard it was to make the transition to living together. His reply was, “What are you talking about? This is easy!” At the time, I couldn’t understand how he could have no stress about the situation. Now, I can see the reason. I was making all the changes to my life and concessions (space, peace of mind), and he was trying hard not to change anything about his life. He didn’t see that the situation required compromise and behavioral adjustments. I guess he just expected me to get rid of everything I owned and to tolerant things that I would otherwise not tolerate. (In fact, when talking about furniture, he said that if I just got rid of all of mine, I could easily buy new furniture for a few thousand dollars if it didn’t work out.) Way to be optimistic.
I guess my point is that things CAN be easy if BOTH people are really committed. If both people are trying to achieve the same goal and part of that goal is mutual happiness, things can be as easy as apple pie. But when you’re too concerned about your own comfort level and not focused on the “we,” things fall apart quickly.
So, there have been some changes at the dealership where I get my car serviced. Not only have they done some rearranging of their offices, but they’ve also hooked up two computers that can be used by waiting customers. The computers… well… they’re ancient. They’re attached to a server that’s running Windows Server 2003, and this looks like the very first version of Internet Explorer that was ever made. The keyboard keys stick, and I’m going to have gigantic muscles in my fingers after using it. It’s like using a manual typewriter from the 50’s.
Not to be ungrateful, I do appreciate the opportunity to sit here an surf. Especially when I expect to shell out a couple hundred dollars to these folks.
Today as I was pondering some important decisions I need to make, I got to thinking about what I truly need to be happy. I have pondered this question before, and I once came up with a list of three things: 1) a safe, peaceful, healthy home to live in, 2) financial security, and 3) the knowledge that my partner loves me and is committed to our relationship. A concise list, but could it be expanded? Since I feel pretty darn happy right now, I tried to think of the things in my life that were the cause.
Let’s start with our basic human needs. According to Maslow, they are Breathing, Homeostasis, Water, Sleep, Food, Excretion, Sex, Clothing, Shelter. The only one of those that I could really say makes me happy at its most elemental level when used to fulfill my “needs” is sex. The rest, while only fulfilling my need for them, wouldn’t necessarily make me happy. Breathing and homeostasis have little to no effect on me other than to keep my alive. They don’t make me happy, per se. (I’m happy that I am breathing, but it doesn’t “elicit” happiness.) Water, sleep, food, clothing and shelter CAN make me happy, but not if they are in a terrible condition. Excretion rarely makes me happy unless I am relieving myself of something awful that I ate.
So, moving beyond those basic things that keep me alive, what actually makes me happy? And I mean happy on a sustainable level, not merely for a few moments. After much thought, I expanded my list a bit:
1) The love of family
2) The love of friends
3) A companion who loves me
4) Work that I love doing
5) Freedom and ability to socialize and travel
6) A safe, clean, healthy home to live in
7) A sense of purpose and goals
8) An abundance of sunshine
9) A healthy body
10) The ability to learn
Marriage is a four-letter word. People freak out about it. Especially guys. Well, ok, women freak out about it in a different way. But I digress.
Guys, this is information is for you:
People are very sensitive. They are sensitive to words. I hate to say it, but most girls are raised a certain way, and we all know it. They are raised to believe that someday they may be “worthy” of a man’s desire to marry them. As we grow up and mature and learn, we realize that this notion is silly. HOWEVER, our subconscious never forgets the voices from our past. We are always wondering, “Am I worthy?” And even as we blossom into independent, self-assured adults and don’t even necessarily desire the legal bonds of matrimony, we still kind of want someone to WANT to marry us. Even if we don’t want to get married. Why? Because we are fragile creatures who need reassurance that we are wanted and loved.
So, even if we have already been there and done that and the desire for traditional marriage itself has waned, we still, for some unexplainable reason, do NOT want to hear you say that you don’t want to ever get married. Because when you say you don’t ever want to get married, what we HEAR is that you don’t want to ever get married TO US. We take it very personally.
We also take personally that you are thinking about things we are NOT going to do together instead of things we ARE going to do together. Like, if you absolutely need to tell us that you never want to get married, perhaps you could then mention something fun that’s happening next year that we are DEFINITELY going to do. We do not ever want to think that we are just a temporary pit stop in your life. We have been the pit stop, and the pit stop is not good.
When women think of marriage, they think of commitment, and we’d kind of like to know that you have it, especially if we are willing to invest our time and love and devotion into having a relationship with you. After a point, we are bitter and jaded from past experiences and don’t give our love or devotion out lightly. We want to know that you’re worth it, and that you’re as invested in it as we are. And, I am not talking about crappy relationships here - I am talking about good, healthy, loving relationships.
When men think of marriage, they painfully envision the financial and legal complications involved - not very romantic. (To be fair, I realize that a lot of men get the shaft in a divorce, and I’m sure their reactions reflect that.)
To me, a marriage is a union of two people centered around common goals and interests that has no foreseeable or predictable conclusion. It is a coming together of two people who make each other happy and want to continue to do so. It is a dance of consideration and trust and communication. “Getting married” is just a legal transaction. It does not define a couple’s relationship and shouldn’t be necessary in order to be happy.
So, guys, next time you’re maybe feeling a little scared about expectations or are just freaking out because you forgot what it was like to be blindingly happy, try to choose your words carefully. Remember, our egos are as fragile as yours.
The other cool things about the hair dryer was that is was Ionic (which is apparently somehow a registered tradename) and ceramic. The Ionic part means that it “reduces the size of water droplets with ions, infusing hair with moisture to help condition, soften, and make hair shinier while adding volume and reducing frizz.” The ceramic part claims that it uses “far-infrared heat that penetrates hair quickly and evenly from the inside-out, drying and styling hair in a fraction of the time.” Those are some pretty big claims.
